Life...

For those of you who know me, you know that my life does not revolve around drama.  Drama, however, is what my life seems to be the last month or so.  I'll start with storyline #1. 

Basically since I started my current job, I have been thinking about what my next job will entail.  However, I allowed myself to keep with it, mainly because of the fact that I love my co-workers, I could never ask for better ones, and I can definitely say I have learned a lot.  I finally got to a point this year where I told myself I wasn't going to do this anymore, wanted to stop doing things that I didn't understand why I was doing them, and that I was going to stop convincing myself otherwise.  I felt a tug towards working with children, as I feel that is an area I am passionate about and would enjoy doing day to day.  I also wanted to get out of the hospital system, mainly due to all the politics...makes me stressed just thinking about that place.  

So anyways, I e-mailed a woman in charge of hiring school nurses within the Minneapolis Public School system, and asked her basically since they seem to only hire nurses with experience in the school system, how I could get myself in the door.  I was thankful for her e-mail as she was very helpful in the process of getting all these different licenses, and also recommended that I work with children in some other form of healthcare such as a camp nurse.  

Camp nursing has always been something that I had an interest in doing someday, so I thought I'd go for it.  I applied at one and only one camp...a sweet camp in Pagosa Springs Colorado by the name of Sonlight Christian Camp.  I enjoyed my interview, loved what I heard about the camp, and as soon as I hung up the phone with the Camp Director became really excited to get away from my everyday life and enjoy a summer in the beautiful mountains surrounded by fun little children needing a little TLC, and joined by an encouraging staff who would allow me to grow in my faith in God.  

Well, shortly after this interview came a little bend in the road.  A good friend from high school called and asked if I wanted to backpack Europe with her and her sister this summer.  Instantly I was conflicted.  Who ever has two sweet options right before them?  After many conversations, and loss of sleep, i ended up choosing Europe thinking that another opportunity to go to Europe with great easy-going people, who are experienced travelers, wanting to go to the same countries as I, wouldn't come around again for quite some time.  I then started looking for some shorter summer camps to work at post trip to Europe, or the possibility of volunteering for a couple weeks at a camp in order to still get somewhat of a camp nursing experience that I know I still want...

Again, there comes another bend in the road...

Some of you may know that back in October after an exhilarating weekend of trick-or-treating with the kiddos, my family and I were relaxing getting ready to watch an exciting Vikings game, and I ended up ruining the party by having to make a trip to the ER.  Luckily, my mom got to be my nurse:)  I had chest pain, resembling a heart attack...I know, sounds crazy, I'm only 25 right? Well, after lots of heart tests, turns out it was my lungs rather, and after getting over the flu a couple weeks prior, I had developed pleurisy (fluid around the lungs) which can cause symptoms that resemble a heart attack.  So, I rested up, thought I was healed, came home, went on a blind date rock climbing (this is whole nother story), and had it happen again when were leaving the place, only this time I didn't freak out because I knew what it was, so I rested again, thought I was healed, played on my soccer league a couple weeks later and had it happen again...GASP!!.  Well, I rested again thinking it just needed more time and luckily it didn't come back...kinda forgot about it actually.   

Until....I was painting our living room this week and again.....it happened.  Grrrr....The next day at the Dr, had an X-Ray, which showed a pneumothorax (collapsed lung).  No one looking at me would have guessed it, I wasn't short of breath or anything, but I definitely felt the pain when it happened!!! So, my Dr referred me to a lung specialist...wasn't impressed (yet another story), who after asking me maybe 5 questions after talking with the resident fellow told me I had to have surgery to repair the weakened lining of the lung, especially if I ever planned on flying or deep sea scuba diving anytime in my life.  Wasn't expecting that one, especially after my Dr. told me I'd probably just have to do a breathing treatment.  I didn't even have questions prepared for that kind of recommendation, not that he would have answered them anyway, as he was hurrying me out the door.  But, believe me I have a list of questions for the surgeon next Wednesday, and have been busy asking Dr's I work with their opinions.

So...not quite sure what God is trying to tell me here, but I sure am confused.  When I had two great options for the summer, now I'm not quite sure I have any.  Not sure how good of an idea it is to fly to another country shortly after surgery.

Right now, all I can say is thank God for health insurance & support from family and friends!! 

All I'm asking for right now is for prayers for peace for my weary heart.  My life is one big bundle of questions right now that I don't have figured out.  Pray that I would invest in my quiet time with God and rely on Him fully rather than depending on others or distracting myself from what is important.  That I would not allow myself to become anxious with all these decisions, and that through this I would become closer to Him and more fully be able to fulfill the plans he has for me here on this earth.  

I have been catching myself becoming anxious about choosing the right surgeon, or the possibility of complications, or that it wouldn't work, etc, but I appreciated the words of my roommate praying over me the other day when she said that the surgeon will not have the power during the surgery, but only the hands of God will be working within me to suture me up, to heal me, and that nothing that they do will be different than what God has in mind for me.  

I shall keep you updated on any future happenings!!