Deep Breaths...

Big thank you to everyone for the cards, visits, gifts, food, e-mails, texts, phone calls, and encouraging words, thoughts, & prayers this week!! It's amazing how much easier it is to get through something when you are supported, so thank you!! 

So it's been a week already!! Can't believe it.  

My experience was as such.....

The few days before surgery I could tell my lung had collapsed further as it was becoming more painful, harder to breathe, as well as pressing on my airway...not so fun, so it was a blessing the surgery happened when it did.  

I was mentally prepped by my amazing roommies the night prior by a seranade of guitar and singing, my mom also came in late that night to be here through it all.  I mostly felt it hard to believe it was finally time, and that it was actually happening.  

Tuesday morning, after a lovely shower with surgical scrub, we made our way to the hospital, checked in, & waited maybe 5 minutes before they called me to my pre-op room.  Here they checked vitals, asked pre-admission questions, took some labs, started IV's, took a pregnancy test (required of all females, no ideas please:) I was then visited by person after person explaining what their part in the surgery was going to be.  The anesthesiologist, their resident, their student, the nurse, some guy who was asking permission that if any tissue samples were taken during surgery they could use them for research, as well as the surgeon; who the more I talked to him had complete confidence in him.  Very personable and caring....

The last thing I remembered of course was them telling me they were going to put something in my IV to help me relax.  Pretty sure I was out in 3 seconds before I could even say goodbye to anyone. 

Who knows what happened the next couple hours...

I remember waking up wondering when they were going to finally get started, but quickly realized it was over and was glad I didn't have to be conscious during any of it.  Shortly after the recovery room I was wheeled to my own private room...major answer to prayer as almost every room on that unit was a double room.  I had a great view of the University of Minnesota Campus and even got to experience a thunderstorm one morning through the very large windows. 

The first evening was great in some ways because I had expected it to be sooo much worse based on what I had been reading about it so I was very pleased with the amount of pain I was in.  The worst part was probably attempting to get up to the bathroom as whenever I would get up I felt like I was going to pass out and had a huge chest tube with suction coming out one side and two IV's on the other.  Maneuvering all those machines and tubings while feeling lightheaded and weak make for some interesting experiences. 

The rest of the time went well for the most part.  Only other thing that wasn't so great was when they changed my pain medication, the next day I was completely out of it, had incredible nausea and the worst headache i've ever had in my life.  Taking the chest tube out was one of the greatest things that's ever happened to me.  It was SUCH a pain dragging that thing with me everywhere while working with the therapists in the hallway, and most of the pain went away as soon as they took it out.  Thanks to my dad for braving it through watching the Dr. pull out the chest tube.  

I discharged home Saturday morning, and for the most part of been doing great. I  haven't taken any pain meds since they took the chest tube out.  Granted I could at times, but I hate pills. Worst part since being home has been sleeping.  Finding a position that's comfortable is a problem even with 5 pillows.  I've been out and about with my mom, but am limited to lifting anything more than 10 lbs for awhile and get fatigued a little easier than normal as my body is in healing mode.  The plan Lord willing, is to return to work next Tuesday on "lite-duty," meaning no lifting patients for a couple more weeks.  I'll get to experience more of the office duties at work, and then hopefully I'll never have to experience a collapsed lung again:)

On the other side of things, it was definitely weird being the patient instead of the nurse. I definitely learned some tips as to what can really be calming to a patient and what can make them really uncomfortable.  Pretty sure I made some people nervous asking so many questions, watching their every move, and had a lovely experience with a student nurse one day.  I definitely recommend if you ever have to be in the hospital to bring someone to stay with you who knows a thing or two about healthcare.  I had it really good since my mom who's an Emergency Room nurse was there for most of it and basically did everything anyways.  I really have no complaints about the staff, they were all wonderful as well as the thoracic surgery team who paid visits twice a day.  

So, now that I'm home I'm starting to process things.... I know God had a plan in all this and I'd like to make sure I take the time to listen to what He has to teach me. I heard a quote the other day from a father about his young daughter.  That she could fall down and hurt herself even when he's walking right beside her.  That doesn't mean he allowed it to happen, she knows that with her father's unconditional love, he'll pick her up and carry her, he'll try to heal her, he'll cry when she cries, and rejoice when she is well. In all the moments of my life, God has been right there beside me.  The truth about God's love is not that he allows hard things to happen, but that He promises to be with us when they do. 

Very comforting words to hear in times as such! 

Here are some pics of the whole experience....don't look if you get sick looking at that kind of stuff:)

The two incisions...

The chest tube...

Good Book..

This week I read the book "Under the Overpass," by Mike Yankoski. Mike & His friend Sam, normal middle class people decided to put a hold on their lives & set out on the streets as one of the homeless to truly experience what it would be like to have nothing.  To really feel what it's like to give up everything and follow the Lord, and to see what it really means to trust in him for every last penny.  GREAT book for anyone interested in inner city justice issues or who are simply curious what it's like to be homeless, what the conditions are like, and how you are treated by everyday people and worse yet how most Christians overlook how God tells us to serve the poor.  Definitely changed how I see homeless people through my eyes. 

 My favorite quote from the book..

"We hear a Christian assure someone that he will "pray over" his problem, knowing full well that he intends to use prayer as a substitute for service.  It is much easier to pray that a poor friend's needs may be supplied than to supply them."  A.W. Tozer

Surgery date...

April 20th is the date! Now that it's scheduled I just want it to happen so that I can start healing and get on with my life.  

I had dinner with a wise woman the other night who was talking to a friend and I about "singleness" and allowing God to use that time for His good.  She didn't get married until later in life, and was telling us that we have that expectation that when you get married you think that that desire or longing we had for companionship and love will be fulfilled, that we wouldn't feel that "lonely" feeling that some people can get when they don't have a significant other.  She said that that really doesn't go away once you get married, and you will always have that longing for something greater, something more. 

Though I'm not married, I could really make that pertain to my life now. I have definitely recognized this with all that's happened in the last couple weeks.  When a bend in the road occurs in my life, I tend to cling to friends and family to help give strength and to get peace from any anxieties.  While those anxieties are lessened for a very brief time, those fears ultimately are still buried deep inside.  People can try to convince you that you'll be ok, that you're not worried which is great and somewhat helpful, but in the end I never fully feel fulfilled or satisfied. This something greater is something  only God can fulfill.  He's the only one who fully knows me down to the number of hairs on my head, He's the only one who can know exactly how I feel, and exactly what I fear.  He's the only one who can really take away those fears.  I have felt more of a desperation for Him through this, and  I have that to be thankful for.  My heart is filled by Him, and I find peace in that. 

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the LORD, The Creator of the ends of the earth, Neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:28-31 NKJV)