Quick Update..

I had a CT this morning to make sure there wasn't something else causing my lung to collapse, and praise the Lord there wasn't.  They did say it's still slightly collapsed, but less than 10%.  The surgeon was nice, seemed to know what he was talking about, & took time to answer questions which is a blessing after experience with other doctors that I wasn't quite impressed with.   I've talked to a few more doctors at work who know him and say I'll be in good hands...very encouraging.  So..they said they'll let me know in the next couple days when surgery will be..they're thinking in 2-3 weeks.  I'd be in the hospital 2-5 days, assuming there are no complications & that I should be completely healed and back to my old self within a month. Anyways, thanks for all your encouraging words, and prayers...I'll let you know when the date will be! 

Jacobs Well..

Today I tried out a new church called Jacob’s Well.  Obviously I can’t tell from one service whether I will call that my new church home, but it was interesting because I felt as though the pastor was speaking right to me and it was what I needed to hear today.  He talked about when you’ve hit a wall and how to get through that. 

The past couple months I’ve been struggling with wondering why on earth God chose me. What do I have to offer to Him who is perfect and mighty?  I do not deserve His love at all after continuously ignoring Him, and continuously not striving to seek Him.  A few weeks ago I hit that wall of feeling stuck and not being able to get past where my life has been spiritually and crossing that bridge to the other side of what I want and know it should be.  In the sermon, the pastor talked about when we hit a wall, we need to go through it.  In Matthew 16 it says,

 From that time on, Jesus began to show his disciples that he must…be killed, and on the third day be raised.  And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, “God forbid it, Lord! This must never happen to you.”  But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan!  You are a stumbling block to me; for you are setting you mind not on divine thigs but on human things.”

 Satan is causing me to be so focused on earthly things that I just can’t see past it.  Getting past the wall isn’t about doing more or finding more solutions, it’s about becoming new with God.  Problems can not be solved by the same level of awareness that created them.  At the wall, God abandons you.  You will be supported, but it is you that needs to make the step.  At the wall, God waits for you on the other side.  On the other side of the wall is hope and life. 

 Jesus says “For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.” Mathhew 16:25

 Do you see what this means-all the pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it.  Strip down, start running-and never quit!  No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins.  Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in.  Study how he did it.  Because he never lost sight of where he was headed-that exhilarating finish in and with God-he could put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever.  And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God.

We then walked through a labyrinth.  The entrance being a place to stop and reflect on your intentions for the spiritual walk you are about to take.  The walk around the design symbolizing the letting go of your old life, as you approach the center I felt as though I was walking as a bride toward God in the center, my humble creator and Father, approaching Him for help &  guidance.  Walking out takes us back to our lives, empowered to be more of who God has created us to be.  

 At the end of the service the band was all giddy about something under their sleeves...suddenly they started singing  “Hold my Hand” by Hootie and the Blowfish.  Funny how some songs if you picture it in a different way it can totally pertain to God. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoW3bqnr7tw

Life...

For those of you who know me, you know that my life does not revolve around drama.  Drama, however, is what my life seems to be the last month or so.  I'll start with storyline #1. 

Basically since I started my current job, I have been thinking about what my next job will entail.  However, I allowed myself to keep with it, mainly because of the fact that I love my co-workers, I could never ask for better ones, and I can definitely say I have learned a lot.  I finally got to a point this year where I told myself I wasn't going to do this anymore, wanted to stop doing things that I didn't understand why I was doing them, and that I was going to stop convincing myself otherwise.  I felt a tug towards working with children, as I feel that is an area I am passionate about and would enjoy doing day to day.  I also wanted to get out of the hospital system, mainly due to all the politics...makes me stressed just thinking about that place.  

So anyways, I e-mailed a woman in charge of hiring school nurses within the Minneapolis Public School system, and asked her basically since they seem to only hire nurses with experience in the school system, how I could get myself in the door.  I was thankful for her e-mail as she was very helpful in the process of getting all these different licenses, and also recommended that I work with children in some other form of healthcare such as a camp nurse.  

Camp nursing has always been something that I had an interest in doing someday, so I thought I'd go for it.  I applied at one and only one camp...a sweet camp in Pagosa Springs Colorado by the name of Sonlight Christian Camp.  I enjoyed my interview, loved what I heard about the camp, and as soon as I hung up the phone with the Camp Director became really excited to get away from my everyday life and enjoy a summer in the beautiful mountains surrounded by fun little children needing a little TLC, and joined by an encouraging staff who would allow me to grow in my faith in God.  

Well, shortly after this interview came a little bend in the road.  A good friend from high school called and asked if I wanted to backpack Europe with her and her sister this summer.  Instantly I was conflicted.  Who ever has two sweet options right before them?  After many conversations, and loss of sleep, i ended up choosing Europe thinking that another opportunity to go to Europe with great easy-going people, who are experienced travelers, wanting to go to the same countries as I, wouldn't come around again for quite some time.  I then started looking for some shorter summer camps to work at post trip to Europe, or the possibility of volunteering for a couple weeks at a camp in order to still get somewhat of a camp nursing experience that I know I still want...

Again, there comes another bend in the road...

Some of you may know that back in October after an exhilarating weekend of trick-or-treating with the kiddos, my family and I were relaxing getting ready to watch an exciting Vikings game, and I ended up ruining the party by having to make a trip to the ER.  Luckily, my mom got to be my nurse:)  I had chest pain, resembling a heart attack...I know, sounds crazy, I'm only 25 right? Well, after lots of heart tests, turns out it was my lungs rather, and after getting over the flu a couple weeks prior, I had developed pleurisy (fluid around the lungs) which can cause symptoms that resemble a heart attack.  So, I rested up, thought I was healed, came home, went on a blind date rock climbing (this is whole nother story), and had it happen again when were leaving the place, only this time I didn't freak out because I knew what it was, so I rested again, thought I was healed, played on my soccer league a couple weeks later and had it happen again...GASP!!.  Well, I rested again thinking it just needed more time and luckily it didn't come back...kinda forgot about it actually.   

Until....I was painting our living room this week and again.....it happened.  Grrrr....The next day at the Dr, had an X-Ray, which showed a pneumothorax (collapsed lung).  No one looking at me would have guessed it, I wasn't short of breath or anything, but I definitely felt the pain when it happened!!! So, my Dr referred me to a lung specialist...wasn't impressed (yet another story), who after asking me maybe 5 questions after talking with the resident fellow told me I had to have surgery to repair the weakened lining of the lung, especially if I ever planned on flying or deep sea scuba diving anytime in my life.  Wasn't expecting that one, especially after my Dr. told me I'd probably just have to do a breathing treatment.  I didn't even have questions prepared for that kind of recommendation, not that he would have answered them anyway, as he was hurrying me out the door.  But, believe me I have a list of questions for the surgeon next Wednesday, and have been busy asking Dr's I work with their opinions.

So...not quite sure what God is trying to tell me here, but I sure am confused.  When I had two great options for the summer, now I'm not quite sure I have any.  Not sure how good of an idea it is to fly to another country shortly after surgery.

Right now, all I can say is thank God for health insurance & support from family and friends!! 

All I'm asking for right now is for prayers for peace for my weary heart.  My life is one big bundle of questions right now that I don't have figured out.  Pray that I would invest in my quiet time with God and rely on Him fully rather than depending on others or distracting myself from what is important.  That I would not allow myself to become anxious with all these decisions, and that through this I would become closer to Him and more fully be able to fulfill the plans he has for me here on this earth.  

I have been catching myself becoming anxious about choosing the right surgeon, or the possibility of complications, or that it wouldn't work, etc, but I appreciated the words of my roommate praying over me the other day when she said that the surgeon will not have the power during the surgery, but only the hands of God will be working within me to suture me up, to heal me, and that nothing that they do will be different than what God has in mind for me.  

I shall keep you updated on any future happenings!! 

Fun Christmas Present..

For Christmas this year I received a fun new gadget...a juicer.  So far it hasn't been one of those things that you use a ton in the first couple weeks and then set aside and forget about.  I use it multiple times a week and has made consuming the insane amount of fruits and veggies required in a day more do-able and fun.  

The Juicer

My new favorite flavor of juice...pineapple, melon, & mint leaves.  

The final product

Reasons why I LOVE juicing....

• Juicing helps you absorb all the nutrients from the fruit & vegetables. This is important because most of us have impaired digestion as a result of making less-than-optimal food choices over many years. This limits your body's ability to absorb all the nutrients from the fruit & vegetables. Juicing will help to "pre-digest" them for you, so you will receive most of the nutrition, rather than having it go down the toilet.
  
• Juicing allows you to consume an optimal amount of vegetables in an efficient manner. The National Cancer Institute believes that the rise in cancer these days has a lot to do with the lack of fruits and vegetables we are consuming. They recommend we get 5 servings of fruit and 3 servings of vegetables per day in order to get the effects from the vitamins, enzymes and phytochemicals found in them. Most people may find eating that many fruits & vegetables in a day pretty difficult, but it can be easily accomplished with a quick glass of fruit/veggie juice. 
• You can add a wider variety of vegetables in your diet. Many people eat the same vegetable salads every day. This violates the principle of regular food rotation and increases your chance of developing an allergy to a certain food. But with juicing, you can juice a wide variety of vegetables that you may not normally enjoy eating whole.  (watercress, kale, wheat grass, bok choy, collard greens)
  
• Juicing your own fruit/vegetables is obviously the healthier option rather than buying ready made juices at the supermarket. Commercial juice is pasteurized, meaning it has been heated taking away from it's vital enzymes. They also contain artificial chemical sweeteners, or artificial colors which have proven to cause cancer in some animals.  
  

I'm hoping to do a "juice fast" one of these days.  I'll let you know how it goes!