Surgery date...

April 20th is the date! Now that it's scheduled I just want it to happen so that I can start healing and get on with my life.  

I had dinner with a wise woman the other night who was talking to a friend and I about "singleness" and allowing God to use that time for His good.  She didn't get married until later in life, and was telling us that we have that expectation that when you get married you think that that desire or longing we had for companionship and love will be fulfilled, that we wouldn't feel that "lonely" feeling that some people can get when they don't have a significant other.  She said that that really doesn't go away once you get married, and you will always have that longing for something greater, something more. 

Though I'm not married, I could really make that pertain to my life now. I have definitely recognized this with all that's happened in the last couple weeks.  When a bend in the road occurs in my life, I tend to cling to friends and family to help give strength and to get peace from any anxieties.  While those anxieties are lessened for a very brief time, those fears ultimately are still buried deep inside.  People can try to convince you that you'll be ok, that you're not worried which is great and somewhat helpful, but in the end I never fully feel fulfilled or satisfied. This something greater is something  only God can fulfill.  He's the only one who fully knows me down to the number of hairs on my head, He's the only one who can know exactly how I feel, and exactly what I fear.  He's the only one who can really take away those fears.  I have felt more of a desperation for Him through this, and  I have that to be thankful for.  My heart is filled by Him, and I find peace in that. 

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the LORD, The Creator of the ends of the earth, Neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:28-31 NKJV)